TPC-Journal-V1-Issue1

4 The Professional Counselor \ Volume 1, Issue 1 two of them, went a long way in repairing their relationship, as well as in empowering her to make healthy decisions in other parts of her life. Working with Parents Helping parents understand how their parenting style impacts child development can often be a counselor’s most valuable teaching tool. While it sounds easy, it is not; parents need guidance and direction on how to give choices, when to give choices, and how to be creative in choosing appropriate consequences. Parents have to learn to start small, start young (when possible), and be willing to make mistakes. The Adlerian principle of the courage to be imperfect also must be a part of parent education. Parents all want the best for their children; helping them promote responsibility and confidence by making adjustments in their parenting style can help them reach these goals. As early as 1984, Rodriguez wrote that in a rank-privileged and -oriented social system like the military, this mix of caste formation and egalitarianism may create a difficult dichotomy, particularly for children and adolescents struggling for their identity. This dichotomy can be exacerbated by the parent-focused nature of the military when parents are concerned about how their child’s misbehavior might affect the parent’s status in the military. Children become sensitive to this parental anxiety and the anger that follows when they break community rules or military social norms. In some military communities, particularly those that are isolated and where rules are strongly enforced, children have little room to make mistakes or test the limits of authority in a normal, developmental manner, without impacting the family status or the military parent’s career (Hall, 2008). It is important to point out that not all military families struggle with these issues; the great majority carry out their parenting duties extremely well and raise healthy children, often in the midst of difficult situations. Jeffreys and Leitzel’s (2000) study noted that a caring relationship and low family stress is associated with resiliency. If children have an emotionally supportive relationship with their parents, they are more likely to demonstrate high levels of self- esteem and healthy psychological development. Their study (Jeffreys & Leitzel, 2000) of military families suggests that family climate promotes the participation in family decision-making and is positive for adolescent identity development. Effective communication patterns facilitate family interaction and are associated with social competence. This finding is reflected in McKay & Maybell’s (2004) respectful leadership style of parenting and can help mental health counselors focus their work on helping military parents learn the parenting skills necessary to reach their goals of having competent, healthy and responsible children, as well as coping with the sometimes overwhelming challenges they face while serving in the military. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ References Donaldson-Pressman, S., & Pressman, R. M. (1994). The narcissistic family: Diagnosis and treatment. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass. Hall, L. K. (2008). Counseling military families: What mental health professionals need to know. New York, NY: Routledge/Taylor and Francis Group. Jeffreys, D. J., & Leitzel, J. D. (2000). The strengths and vulnerabilities of adolescents in military families. In J. A. Martin, L. N. Rosen, & L. R. Sparacino, (Eds.). The military family: A practice guide for human service providers (pp. 225–240). Westport, CT: Praeger. McKay, G. D., & Maybell, S. A. (2004). Calming the family story: Anger management for Moms, Dads, and all the kids. Atascadero, CA: Impact. Rodriguez, A. R. (1984). Special treatment needs of children of military families. In F. W. Kaslow & R. I. Ridenour (Eds.) The military family: Dynamics and treatment (pp. 46–72). New York, NY: Guilford Press. Wertsch, M. E. (1991). Military brats: Legacies of childhood inside the fortress. New York, NY: Harmony Books.