TPC-Journal-V2-Issue3

The Professional Counselor \Volume 2, Issue 3 202 In his successive work, Herzog (2010) came to recognize this phenomenon—how boys react to the relationship of parents together as a couple—and added this dynamic to his repertoire as “a father-hunger and a father-and-mother- together hunger” (p. 112). Although a father-and-mother-together hunger may be experienced by both boys and girls, it appears to have the most impact on boys’ development. The father-and-mother-together hunger refers to an emotional yearning for the metaphorical union of both parents and the fusion of the parents with the child (enmeshment). In other words, with the help of fathers, mothers learn to appreciate their sons’ right to their own perspectives, which may be different than their own. When fathers fail to help their sons separate from their mothers, boys tend to develop enmeshment with both parents (Gauthier, 2010). Enmeshment can be explained by the notion that clinging is typically a reaction to perceived distancing from a significant other. Boys who have father-hunger tend to unconsciously enmesh with both parents as a couple perceiving their fathers as unavailable and their mothers as engulfing. Herzog (2010) suggests that how this “parental alliance” is perceived by boys plays a major role in the child’s “optimal development . . . of the concept of the self” (p. 111). The concept of the self refers to the level of differentiation children may develop with separate feelings and thoughts from those of their parents (Kerr & Bowen, 1988). Differentiation of the self exists on a continuum with the authentic self at one end of the spectrum and the grandiose (pseudo) self at the other end (Kerr & Bowen, 1988). Father-Hunger Scale Perrin, Baker, Romelus, Jones, and Heesacker (2009) measured the impact of father-hunger in young adults and assessed the validity and reliability of Baker’s (2000) Father-Hunger Scale by recruiting two different groups of participants, male and female college students. Their findings led Perrin and colleagues to deem the Father-Hunger Scale with a high level of construct validity and as an effective tool to assess the degree of father-hunger in an individual. Furthermore, the researchers concluded that the “Father Hunger Scale provides an empirical basis from which researchers can investigate the role that may be played by one’s psychological longing for a greater connection with a father” as it relates to one’s overall functioning (Perrin et al., 2009, p. 323). In addition, grounded in his clinical work, Herzog (2001, 2009, 2010) found a correlation between father-hunger in boys and a propensity to develop narcissistic tendencies observed in adulthood as a defense mechanism to earlier unmet needs. Narcissism refers to the tendency for feelings of grandiosity and “is exemplified by the devaluation of others and the idealization of oneself” (Luchner, Moser, Mirsalimi, & Jones, 2008, p. 2). Idealization of oneself is grounded in pseudo self-esteem versus genuine self-esteem. Someone with pseudo self-esteem has a propensity toward bestowing upon oneself attributes that may not be consistent with reality. Although both males and females may develop narcissistic tendencies as the result of father-hunger, Herzog (2010), Gauthier (2010), and Goss (2006) claim that there is a higher susceptibility and propensity for males to develop narcissistic characteristics in comparison to females. They speculate that the triggering point for this phenomenon (narcissistic tendencies) may be rooted in how boys process and experience father-hunger (intrapsychic phenomenon and fusion with parents), which may have lifetime effects. Feeling entitled to receive endless admiration from others as an adult is an example of a narcissistic tendency generated to compensate for having felt unloved during childhood. A man who holds unmet dependency needs (unfulfilled nurturing) is likely to be enmeshed with his family of origin and has a poorly differentiated self in contrast to having an authentic self (Kerr & Bowen, 1988). For instance, a man who may be primarily driven by his unacknowledged and unmet dependency needs related to his family-of-origin may be unconsciously prompted to choose a profession or a mate likely to be approved by his family as the primary criteria while ignoring his own heart. Going against both the spoken and unspoken family rules may not be perceived as safe because it may threaten the status quo and may render the man feeling emotionally, if not physically, isolated from his family-of-origin. This is an example of enmeshment—a blur of boundaries between oneself and another person. This creates a gap within the grown man between wanting to please his family and ignoring his own feelings and thoughts, thus creating an internal vacuum that tends to be filled by narcissistic tendencies. When being genuine does not produce the acceptance one needs from one’s family, there is a tendency toward artificially generating a self that is perceived to be better than others in a futile attempt to increase the chances one would