TPC-Journal-V2-Issue3

The Professional Counselor \Volume 2, Issue 3 203 feel accepted (Solomon, 1989). Pseudo self is the result of earlier narcissistic injuries. Narcissistic injuries refer to the losses and disappointments experienced or perceived at an early age, such as the loss of unmet expectations, approval, or unfulfilled dreams (Viorst, 1986). And, yet, Viorst suggests these are necessary losses that are called upon to be reconciled in adulthood to achieve personal growth. Some men are not willing to accept the vulnerability that comes with experiencing losses. Viorst (1986) emphasizes that losses are inevitable and constitute “the course of a normal life” (p. 61). Unhealthy compensation for the vulnerability to experiencing losses may involve certain behavioral patterns, such as feeling one is always right and others are always wrong; the inability to feel empathy for others, and feeling entitled to receiving admiration from others even when others are perceived as defective compared to oneself (Kealy & Rasmussen, 2012; Solomon, 1989). Narcissistic tendencies (pseudo self-esteem) are likely to prevent the development of an authentic self (genuine self-esteem) (Kerr & Bowen, 1988). Kerr and Bowen designed the Differentiation of Self Scale to assess where one falls in the differentiation of self spectrum, between genuine and pseudo self. Differentiation of Self Scale Jankowski and Hooper (2012) retested the efficacy of the Differentiation of Self Inventory (DSI; Skowron & Friedlander, 1998) using 749 male and female college students whose average age was 21, representing different ethnic backgrounds. Jankowski and Hooper found evidence of both construct and divergent validity in the concept of differentiation. Those who rate the lowest in the differentiation scale are more likely to develop a fragile self, have narcissistic tendencies, and engage in maladaptive coping strategies (Kerr & Bowen, 1988). Examples of maladaptive coping strategies include extreme self-centeredness, pervasive feelings of grandiosity, lack of empathy for others, and blaming someone else for one’s own struggles in an effort to diffuse feelings of inadequacy, loss and rage (Jacobs, 1977). Narcissistic Tendencies To the extent that maladaptive coping strategies may be intended to protect one’s fragile self by diminishing others in the process, it is more likely that they would fall under the realm of pathological narcissistic tendencies (Solomon, 1989). Solomon suggests that narcissism exists in a continuum ranging from a natural, innate drive to look after one’s own self- preservation at one end of the spectrum to a pathological demand for admiration from others at any cost at the other end. It is the narcissism found toward this pervasive end of the spectrum that is considered pathological and tends to bring havoc to both intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships (Jacobs, 1977). Jacobs believes that pathological narcissistic tendencies coupled with a tendency to view one’s mother as a powerful figure capable of interfering in the relationship between a son and his father are the underpinning variables mediating secondary male impotence. Jacobs examines how this dynamic impacts the sexual relationship between a man and his significant female partner. The Impotent King Syndrome While some of the factors triggering primary male impotence may be the man’s age, illnesses, substance abuse or medications, secondary impotence is believed to be most likely triggered by psychological variables, such as feelings of inadequacy, revenge and grandiose self-concept (Jacobs, 1977). Jacobs has come up with the term impotent king to describe a man with psychic impotence whose narcissistic tendencies may be keeping him from emotional and sexual maturity. Jacobs attributes the dilemma of psychic impotence to motivation in maintaining “sexual immaturity” (p. 97). A man may secretly want to remain a child to recapture what he thinks he lost in his childhood—his uniqueness and own sense of self-value (Jacobs, 1977). Grounded in his clinical experience, Jacobs (1977) submits that the impotent king is typically involved in a “dominant- submissive relationship” with his female sexual partner—placing the man in the dominant role during coitus (p. 101). Fixated in a regressive state, he is now trying to recapture the powerlessness he felt growing up. While very concerned with his own needs, sexual and otherwise, the impotent king tends to disregard his partner’s needs. A woman needs to feel she is important to her man; that he is committed to the relationship. Blaming his secondary impotence on her takes a toll on her emotionally. In an effort to compensate for her unmet emotional needs she may cling to him, much like he may