TPC-Journal-V3-Issue3

189 The Professional Counselor \Volume 3, Issue 3 Much of the research regarding Black women’s dating preferences indicates that many do not desire to date outside of their race (Stanley, 2011). Black women who have observed immediate family members in devoted, long-lasting relationships seek that same type of commitment in relationships from men within their own race (Williams, 2006). It may be that these women wish to preserve their culture by producing a future generation of Black children. Thus, they hold firmly to the ideal of dating or marrying within their own race. Some Black women choose not to date interracially due to fear of opposition from their own family members, the family members of their racially dissimilar partner, and the Black community. Historically, there is a societal expectation that Black women should choose mates within their own racial group. These types of interpersonal challenges tend to create a great deal of stress in interracial relationships (Ortega, 2002). Black men seem to be a bit more comfortable in crossing the color lines than Black women when it comes to dating and marriage. Banks and Gatlin (2005) reported that 13% of Black men are in interracial marriages, and census data revealed that 73% of all Black/White marriages are Black men with White women (Pew Research Center, 2006). As a result, Black women often find themselves competing for the attention of Black men who are already a limited pool of suitable mates. When Black men choose to date interracially, Black women are left feeling inadequate, particularly about their appearance (Stanley, 2011). Constant feelings of inadequacy may lead some Black females to adopt uncharacteristic behaviors, such as remaining in physically or emotionally abusive relationships with Black men. Dating Younger Men With the diminishing choices of mates for Black women in college, some have chosen to date much younger men (Henry, 2008). This phenomenon was first introduced into popular culture by Terri McMillan’s (1996) book How Stella Got Her Groove Back, which depicted McMillan’s real-life love encounter with a younger man while vacationing in Jamaica. McMillan’s plot has become a reality for many Black women. Several women who were asked to share their views on dating in an Ebony magazine article stated that they preferred to date younger men because these men were more vibrant (“The Stella thing,” 1998.) The article also indicated that because many Black men are incarcerated, married, gay, or dating interracially, Black women do not have many options; therefore, dating younger men has become an attractive alternative. It appears that some Black women are dispelling the notion that marrying an older Black man equates to social status, financial security and marital bliss. Similarly, Gilbert (2003) contends that many older women and younger men relationships among African American couples seem to work out well, with the most important factor in these relationships not being age, but rather compatibility. Many Black women in college who decide to engage in a love relationship with a younger man may endure potential hostility from family members, friends and the Black community in general. Discussion Dating for Black college women not only creates challenges in terms of finding a compatible Black mate, but also in finding and accepting one’s true self. Because of the educational gender gap, many Black women in college who are seeking long-term relationships with Black men believe that they must cater to the whims and wishes of men. According to Helms’ (1990) womanist identity development theory, young Black women in college who have not yet developed a healthy, internally based, positive definition of womanhood may make detrimental dating decisions. However, women who have progressed to the final stage of Helms’ model, internalization , may make better dating decisions, which are grounded in a positive self-identity. These women may have the courage to remain single, abstain from risky sexual behavior, date interracially, or date younger Black men. If Black women are supported in forming a positive self-concept, they may avoid making poor