TPC-Journal-V5-Issue3

The Professional Counselor /Volume 5, Issue 3 399 Preservation and perseverance. Many participants emphasized the importance of the sibling relationship within childhood development. Tiffany shared, “I think sibling relationships really define how people look at themselves and each other in the world, whether they realize it or not. . . . That is really how you have your first disagreements, your first shaming, your first happy moments.” Valerie shared, “I truly believe that the sibling relationships are powerful and they need to be cherished and preserved at all costs or improved.” Participants’ beliefs about the importance of preserving the sibling relationship influenced how they interacted with students, leading them to stress the importance of persevering when experiencing difficulty with a sibling. Ty mentioned that she had told students, “Right now you might be enemies, but you might be best friends when you are 22.” Family secrets. This subtheme related to participants’ perceptions about the strength of the sibling bond and how students might be keeping family secrets. Lee shared, “I think people don’t want to ‘dis’ their family. . . . Kids are reluctant to throw family members under the bus.” Ty stated that students are fearful of what might happen if they were to report. “They try to hide it so much. . . . I think there are all these rumors out there—‘I’m going to lose my family and I don’t want to be put in a foster home.’” Tiffany stated, “It really isn’t talked about; it is just lumped into ‘Oh, if anybody hurts you—but because it’s family it’s that loyalty piece and you can’t say anything.’” Learned violence. The sixth theme that emerged from the participant data was learned violence . This theme was defined as participants’ shared attitudes and beliefs about the ways in which children or adolescents might have come to learn that violence or abuse against a sibling is accepted or tolerated. The counselors shared that children often “do what they see” and that they “are so used to violence.” Participants concluded that sibling abuse was something students have learned from a variety of avenues contributing to the phenomenon. Four subthemes emerged from the participants’ descriptions of learned violence —intrafamilial violence, media and society, mental health, and gender and ethnicity. Intrafamilial violence . Other forms of violence within the home (parental, domestic) might support an environment where violence is learned, making it acceptable for siblings to be violent to one another. Grace questioned, “Is it because they have learned it from a parent or an aunt or an uncle or a grandparent?” Valerie shared, “Kids typically do what they see, what they are exposed to or what they experience. Either they are experiencing abuse or they see domestic violence.” Lee added, “In our population we are seeing more aggression and assertiveness in our parents, between parents, and when I think about the kids who have that tendency, that is what they are living with.” Media and society. Participants discussed that media and society portray violence as acceptable and that this permissiveness might influence children to be violent or abusive to their siblings. Laura shared, “I don’t know if it is the stress of what they are seeing and also the video games and other media that they have access to. Too often it’s not appropriate, so I think that can play a part, too.” Valerie shared, “They are exposed to video games, movies where aggression and violence is . . . acceptable human behavior.” Ty added, “We are so used to violence right now that wrestling or punching or slapping, we just say, ‘Oh, buck up, that wasn’t that big of a deal.’ A decade before we’d say, ‘That is not appropriate, that is not okay.’” Mental health. Participants shared their perceptions that mental health needs or problems might contribute to sibling violence and abuse. One participant postulated that sibling offenders might be dealing with mental health issues in which they are more prone to anger. Grace shared, “I think it is something already within the kid. Are they born already with something inside of them?” Valerie