92 The Professional Counselor | Volume 14, Issue 1 The participants described how this resilience is especially obligatory when the active-duty spouse is unable to be resilient: I’m kind of taking the lead with our kids . . . but I’ve also kind of had to pour into my husband, you know, because he has those times you know where things are really, really hard for him. I’ve also been like his counselor and his doctor sometimes. (P4) Theme 5: Individual Resilience In response to being unable to control many aspects of the military lifestyle, most of the spouses described how they have become independent in order to withstand the constantly changing variables within the military lifestyle. One described being “pretty independent, and I think that helps a lot because I don’t rely on my spouse to do all these things I do” (P5). Another described how being independent resulted in self-confidence and resilience: You gotta figure out how to do all of it just because you can’t ever rely on the spouse being able to help. But I think being able to come out of extremely, extremely stressful situations, be able to come out on the other side and say “I’m okay, and I survived this, and now I’m kind of better prepared for next time.” (P6) Another spouse described how maintaining an independent identity was key to separating herself from the stressors of the military lifestyle: “That’s a really important part of being a military spouse. It doesn’t have to be a job specifically, but just something that you can be your own person separate from your husband or your spouse’s job” (P8). The spouses also described the importance of taking care of themselves physically and mentally in order to maintain their resilience. Many described exercise as key to their mental health and wellness: “My biggest coping mechanism is exercise. I’ve found that no matter where I go, I can exercise” (P5). Another spouse described how she “tried to find a kickball team every place we’ve been to since Okinawa because I figured out it’s a stress relief” (P6). Participant 7 echoed that “working out . . . just helps me. It lowers my stress.” One spouse explained how she defaults to exercise when facing the challenges of the military lifestyle because she knows her “ability to recover quickly is directly tied to the way in which I care for myself” (P1). Theme 6: Collective Resilience The participants described their reliance on the collective military spouse community for their survival. One spouse, for example, described a connection with other military spouses as the difference between “doing well and barely surviving” (P6). Another spouse described her reliance on the military spouse community: “Community is what it’s all about. I can’t get through anything without community” (P7). Another spouse echoed this survival mechanism: “This is a beautiful community. It’s an amazing place . . . we all get each other. So I think there are times where it’s really hard . . . but we survive, we get through it. We’re resilient. We got the grit” (P7). Participant 1 explained exactly how the military spouse community offers this support to help spouses survive the challenges of the military lifestyle: “When time calls for it, I think, collectively, we bring our resources together to help pull other military spouses up and try to just forewarn them about what the obstacles are and what may have worked for our family” (P1).
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