The Professional Counselor | Volume 14, Issue 2 191 I felt prized, and loved, and 100% accepted. And nothing was abnormal or weird, like, what I shared. . . . her response was always super supportive. . . . My schedule was really odd, and so she made it work for my schedule. So, sometimes we met at 7:30 in the morning. Which I really appreciate. Sometimes we met at 8:00, sometimes we met at 2:00 in the afternoon . . . and I never felt like that was a burden . . . she never made it sound like I was burdening her . . . and I’m super appreciative for that. All participants reported that their therapist, in different ways, normalized their experience. Many participants (n = 12) believed something was atypical or flawed about their personhood for needing personal therapy. Receiving help triggered feelings of stigma, self-rejection, or self-criticism. Thus, a large part of participants’ healing process was feeling normalized by the therapist. Thomas shared: There’s even been times when I’ve asked her, like, “do I fit a diagnosis? Like, what’s wrong with me?” You know, there’s even been times when I’ve kind of demanded from her, like “what, what’s the deal? I’ve been seeing you for 2 years, tell me what’s wrong with me.” And she won’t do it. She will not do it, and she’s just like, “No, that’s not what I do.” And so that’s helped me immensely. She’s like “everything you’ve told me, every, everything fits.” And it’s helped me to see it that way. Participants also reported feeling vulnerable as the client and described the feeling of opening themselves to the presence and feedback of another as uncomfortable but also inducing growth. Participants described this level of vulnerability as it related to their counselor identity; they explained that they were most accustomed to structuring the session and managing the time and felt more comfortable in the therapeutic relationship in the role of counselor. As the client, participants experienced a new kind of vulnerability that led to intrapersonal and interpersonal growth due to the reversed power differential, as described by Betty: When I’m the client, it’s like, “I don’t know where we’re going, I don’t know what’s gonna come up.” It’s kind of scary sometimes. Like you know? He’s the guy with the flashlight, and I don’t know where he’s, what’s gonna happen sometimes. Like what’s going to get uncovered, [what] I’m suddenly gonna become aware of or feel, or something. So it’s a little scary. Several participants (n = 9) shared that healing occurred as a result of therapeutic transference in the relationship with their therapist. Participants reported perceiving the therapist as a significant relationship in their life, sometimes describing their therapists as a parental presence. At times, the therapists themselves were the healing catalyst, acting as a substitute for redirecting emotional wounds. This subtheme also encompassed feelings of attachment. In many cases, participants’ early attachment figures were either emotionally or physically unavailable or harmful. Participants explained that their therapists acted as a healthy attachment figure and described this aspect of the relationship as reparative. Some participants shared feeling re-parented by their therapist, like Michelle: She probably was the age of my mom at the time, and so I felt very nurtured by her in a way that, like I always wanted to be nurtured by mom but it hadn’t happened like that. . . . I mean, there was that transference kind of feeling that was happening, but it was very positive and she was very warm, and I feel like that relationship was so healing and allowed me to process through more things, feeling supported and encouraged by someone who is kinda like my mom but not my mom, almost like it was like a reparative thing within the relationship.
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